She's JV to your varsity
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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