I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Also, beer. Big fan.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
