i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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