I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
