i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize