But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
