so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
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Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize