so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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