hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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