My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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