couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
