Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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