he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
