$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
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My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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