Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
