with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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