Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
