I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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