ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
