i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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