U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
