Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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