new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
