I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
