If that was your dad, he is hot
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
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i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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