I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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