There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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