never play flip cup with pint glasses
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Text me some of your sweat
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