If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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