my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Jerry, you need to find god
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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