We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
