he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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