My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
