Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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