Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
