I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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