the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
