You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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