You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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