I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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