I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
