We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
