Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
