her vagine was all disorganized.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
