come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
