and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
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No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
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The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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