morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
