i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
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Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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