I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
