He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
