Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
