3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
