problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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