My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
