I am puke
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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