As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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