i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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