i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
