I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
