that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
