if i can run in heels then i can drive
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
